Talk:If You Could Only See/@comment-21969464-20141108133937
WELL I ALREADY WROTE THIS BUT MY PHONE DECIDED TO DIE JUST AS I WAS WRAPPING UP BUT UGH HERE I GO AGAIN... So basically...I really like this guy. I have true, wholehearted feelings for him. He makes me happy, no matter what mood I'm in or even what mood he's in. Just his existence alone lights a fire inside me and I just feel like I'd do anything for him and God guys...I just adore him. I don't put him on this pedastal...I don't ~praise~ him because he is not perfect but I take his faults and I recognize them and I learn to love them because really the good and the bad, it's all him and I love him. I don't know to what extent...but he feels something for me too. We've talked about this and yes the feelings are pretty much mutual but I mean I can't speak for him so to say he feels ~this~ way about me wouldn't be fair. However, another issue has been addressed...and that caused problems. :/ So it's something that is avoided and honestly it's okay because we both know the outcome anyway. While we do have real feelings for eachother, it's complicated as fuck. We just can't be together. It's not the right time in our lives. It sucks and it hurts me everyday but...it's reality. I told a friend of mine that I don't wanna feel this way about him, but that's not true. Feeling this way about him just...it gives me a reason to be a good person...a reason to try and he makes me wanna do things that yes I already had an interest in, but him adoring it just makes me even more interested. I wanna know what he loves and I wanna learn about it. Ugh but anyway...it just sucks. Like, it's gotten to a point where I don't wanna meet someone else because I'm afraid if I fall for them that what I have with this guy will go away. It also wouldn't be fair to that person...because I'd still have feelings for this other guy. I just don't want anyone else...I want this one. Not just because I kinda already have him and it's easy, because it's not. It's the hardest thing wanting someone you cannot have. He's worth all of this. I just love him...I wouldn't say I'm in love with him...ugh wow no I do nOT wanna think about that...bc that's just scary. But I do love him and I just want to know how to live with not being with him. I wanna learn to just accept reality...and move on. But at the same time I don't. :( If anyone has any words of advice...then please give your input. Also, please don't ask why. Like I said...it's very complicated. I just need to find a way to be content. He makes me feel content about like...certain things...but there are things only I can figure out...I just need help. :(